Roller Skating Thoughts: Human Time Capsule.

A new thing I'll be doing; I've been going roller skating for a little bit, and as I do, I learn about ourselves. It's amazing what you learn, what you see, and who you meet.

This week, I met a person, in a bit of a binde. The poor soul had some hard turns, was in debt, and yet was optimistic- that he would be okay. I also got complemented by a woman thrice my age, who was also roller skating. This only my second time out, but I promise it won't be the last. I'll keep going- most definitely.

The rink I go to, it's a time capsule, with a slight leak, but still amazing. Slightly worn around the edges, the music isn't totally fantastic, but it's fun. Just be weary of any person's wrapped candy, falling out of their pocket, and creating a mayhem point.

You see life happen, and that's the beautiful thing, happy, joyous life, and you can't beat that. Mistakes, mayhem, perfection, imperfection, all for you there, and it's wonderful. It's simply wonderful.

I'll be posting these on a weekly basis, so stay tuned. More thoughts and reflections on my Roller Skating trips, will be forth coming. For now though, God bless. Good Night, and- Good Luck.

Who has this Disconnect?:

Who has so many idea on what to say, what to do, what to create, then when it comes time to do them, you're drawing blanks, like Elvis' hips made girls swoon? Why does this happen? Why do we have such a hard time trying to do things these days?

Years ago, it was easy for a person, to step out, and do their ideas. Now, we get overwhelmed and discouraged so easily. I don't know what it is, but even I get bouts of this mysterious disease, and it's not funny. We need to get ourselves up by the bootstraps and march on. Because if we don't, then we might as well be screwed for the future. I don't want that kind of a future, because we have so far to go still, and yet we can't see two inches past lunch; what is wrong with us?

I think it's time, that we start "doing" again. We just can't sit around, we need to go out and create what we need- a future. America has "do-er's" but not enough of them. Go out and fix something- a door, a friend's problem (if they want your help, and you can actually do it), a meal for a hungry elderly person out on the streets, a lamp, anything really. We need to start going forth, being lights in these dark times, and maybe, if we get enough people doing- maybe with enough lights, we can brighten up the world. Think on that.

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Thank you, good night and God bless.

"The Couples and The Singles" - What door to open?

Okay, for my next trick, I'll be talking about the biggest social division, and I'm not talking about "Rich and Poor." Friday passed over the world with overly happy, joy-filled, in-love bliss. For many though, we either sat at home with tons of heart-attack causing food, or in more extreme cases, apartments, condos, rivers, canals, lakes and harbors, now run red across the world (the poor souls- bangs and screams putting an end when they had no right to stop the miracle, what-so-ever). I'm talking about "The Couples and The Singles."

What happens, is there are overjoyed couples, indulging in the most romantic day/night of the year, and then there are the people who just had break-ups, can't find a valentine, have not even any prospects, et cetera, et cetera. Those people either gain 20 pounds in a weekend, with all the sweets and Turner Classic Movies, or they tragically go take a nap six down. I've been single for a heck of a long time now, and I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned that you meet more interesting characters when you're single, and that you actually can see more of the world- being single. This is not to say, that I've had my bouts with "wannagirl-itis," but I ask this:

      "Do couples get together, because of an actual connection? Or do they get together for the sake of getting together? Which door to a relationship would I want to open and cross?"

Me personally, I wouldn't want to get together for status, or for any stupid reason like that. Anybody that does get together for that reason or such, is a damned fool. If the shoe doesn't fit, don't remove a toe, just so you fit. In other words, don't lose yourself, just so you can date the School's best Jock, or the School's hottest Cheerleader. It's not worth it; you're better off having that click with a person, and dating that person, based on connection, kismet, and the like.

I've done some soul-searching, and I've learned a lot about myself. A girl (with a boyfriend), told me Friday, when I was roller skating, that "(I'm) too nice." So what if I am? Is that a crime? Nice can be made from many things (genuine kindness, need of self-control, social norms, tradition, the list goes on). Nice isn't necessarily bad. Nice, was what a good chunk of people were, and they ended up alone on Valentine's day. That isn't necessarily all the cases, but a good many of them. Nice people, actually consider others, and actually are more willing to put in effort into a relationship, regardless whether or not they're going to get "some" or the "morning afterwards." 

So in the end, Happy Valentine's day. It's late yes, but ask yourself the questions in italics. What do you see in yourself? What do you in relationships see? What do you singles see?

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Thank you for your time. God bless.

P.S.- Feel free to comment on this; I'd actually like to hear your views

First Post - The Questions Nobody Asks:

First off, I'd like to say "hello" to the internet, and all the people on it. Second, this blog isn't going to be pretty all the time. I try to tell it like it is whenever possible, even if it's not to everyone's liking. So the first thing I'll talk about are questions, that nobody ever asks me, and leaves me to wonder why? Why's actually the start of all the questions. The questions are "Why are you so nice?", "Why are you so kind?", and "Why are you so sweet?"

Why nobody has asked me that, is a frightening reality. Last night, Saint Valentine's day, I went roller skating. I met some interesting people, one of them, I started talking to. She was there with her boyfriend; she told me to "...at least get yourself some candy..." when I said I didn't really have a valentine. I told her my Pops is in the Vending business, and she was in dead shock. She also said "You're too nice," when it comes to my luck with the opposite sex. It got me thinking on the way home, and has caused grief for my parents as I came to a humbling realization:

"My kindness, compassion, niceness, sweetness, et cetera, isn't because I naturally am, it's because it's 'Self-Control'."

People who have seen me "vent" and you get a "WTF" pop into your mind. You don't expect, or even think of me having "anger" or being capable of it. I am, I have so much frustration, spite, resentment, distain- anger,  that it's actually hurt people I've cared about over the years. I never had anything "sugar-coated" in my life. I was told "...monkey's carry diseases..." when I was three. When they read a story about a monkey, at Borders Books storytime, I stood up and shouted that. All the mothers were mortified, and my mother's response was "What, you don't tell your kids the truth?" This is my truth now; I get angry just like everybody else, but I most-likely work harder than anybody else, to control myself, outside the comforts and shelter of my home. This is what created the phrases most commonly associated with me, such as "You're/He's so nice," "You're/He's so sweet," "You're/He's so kind," and the like.

Somewhere in me, there is  "good," but there's also "bad," and "ugly," too. It leads me to wonder why we can't accept that all of us have all three of those traits in us, and they'll come out at any time. I "slip up" so to speak, once in a long while, and everybody's all "WTF". Everybody in Mr. Hientschel's class the other day saw it all, and they know what I'm talking about. Everybody in Mr. Jones' U.S. Government class, saw it when I lost the court case. So I get angry, I get frustrated, I get pissed-off, but that doesn't mean I have to act on it. That's the "Self-Control". So maybe I'm "too nice," but what would you rather have: "The Impossibility, but there it is Nice 99% of the time?" Or would you want to actually see the "Angry , hateful, spiteful, frustrated, nasty, hurtful, and acidically volatile" side of me come out? 

That facet of my personality has been there, with no light to it for years. When light hits it though, it is so very, very destructive. It can hurt people, it can make people fear, be hesitant, but most of the time, people forget it, and only look at the facets that keep that one in check. The facets of kindness, compassion, sweetness, caring. They're just one side of the story. Nobody wants to see that "bad" side of me. That "bad" side, is as much a part of my humanity, as the other sides of me. Why people cannot accept that side, not even my own family, hurts me more, than people being upset from when that side appears.

So I've hurt people, who cares? So I'm too nice, who cares? So I tell it like it is, who cares? You've got to grow a spine to take the good and the bad sometime. I'm too nice; it's been a bad thing for me. I tell it like it is; nobody cares. I didn't like hurting people, but I had to tell the truth. The truth sets free, but not even in my case (per say). Everything isn't going to be sugar cookies and candy corn, all the time. I've owned up to my faults, my failures, and my problems. I'm not perfect, like everybody thinks. I'm no hero. I'm no "great wise sage". I'm not some patriarch. I'm nowhere near a "religious zealot". I'm not any of the things you all think I am. I'm only human. I'm only a human-being. God knows I'm not perfect. I know I'm not perfect, and I own up to that. Most everybody think I am though. Some have seen differently, but not enough. I don't deserve your respect. I don't deserve anyones. I'd rather be bullied, despised and get belted in the stomach like Ender, by Bonzo in the "Ender's Game" movie. 

Why you all think I'm so kind, wonderful, sweet, caring, nice, et cetera, I'll never know. These traits- adjectives you use for me, they're just words. Yes there is some good in me, that is manifested in these adjectives- my actions. However, a lot of it, is manifested, because of the self-control I exercise everyday, as a dam to hold back years of unhealthy disdain and frustration. Even if I open the floodgates a tiny bit, a lot comes out, but (mostly) nobody cares (or brush off the shock). They just think of all the good things, like looking through rose colored glasses. Stop looking for a second, and look at the person. See the truth. The truth somehow, is supposed to set us free, maybe, just maybe I'll gain a little freedom. This is my truth:

"My being 'too nice,' holds back a lot of fury. I myself see it, even though I don't want to. I hurt like all of you, but I'll come to aid, even as I hurt. It's not wise, but it's the right thing to do. I've done the right thing always, because I fear of if I didn't. So I am too nice, but would I, or anybody else, want to see the raw fury, that could hurt and destroy not only the people around me, people I care about, but myself as well? I don't want to look, but I do, and as such, I hold back and am that 'too nice' person, to spare from the fury."

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That's my soapbox for now. Thank you for your time. God bless.